Lord, I Need You

As I flipped through my journal a months ago, I folded over a page that I have wanted to share. But first, let me share the back story.

For over a year now, I have lived with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) along with undiagnosed symptoms. Though few leave me in pain, I have more limitations than ever and often feel as if my body is fighting against itself. I never know what to expect within a week. While some days, I feel refreshed, other days I can barely leave my bed. Waves of anxiety and depression have also ebbed and flowed. It has been my hidden burden.

What I have discovered is my need for Christ. He is the one who lifts my head each day. Every hour, every minute, even when my heart rebels, I come back to my knees crying “Lord, I need You.” Even though my body is weak, my heart is strengthened when I am in need. My prayer has been, “Lord, keep me in a place that makes me lean on You.” In my journal, I wrote the paradox of my life.

“Through my circumstances, God has refined me. He’s humbled me, yet uplifted me. He’s taught me to wait, while showing me the joy of renewal. He’s brought me down to hold me up. He has worked through my weakness to mend my spirit. Even within the four walls of an empty waiting room.”

9/25/20

Though I often write about Christ’s strength in my weakness, I felt led to share the context that I have kept hidden. For those of you facing pain or weakness, seen or hidden, I hope my sharing a piece of my heart strengthens you. Christ sees what is hidden and understands what you are facing. He will use your story to bring you closer to His heart if You will let Him. Keep leaning on Him.

Lord, I need You when the sea of life is calm. O Lord, I need You when the wind is blowing strong. Whether trials come or cease, keep me always on my knees.

Ron Hamilton

7 thoughts on “Lord, I Need You”

  1. Thank you for your encouraging reflection and transparency. As I read your post I couldn’t help reflecting on Paul’s observation in Philippians 1:12 that his imprisonment had “really served to advance the gospel.” Despite his difficult circumstances, Paul realized that God worked through his hardship to advance the gospel because Paul’s eyes remained fixed on Christ. Your sharing of your hope through, and despite of, your physical struggles is a great example of this. I pray that your story encourages others to more boldly proclaim their faith in the midst of difficult circumstances, knowing that God will use those circumstances for HIs glory. And, in that, we can all rejoice.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know it’s difficult for you to let known what you keep hidden. But I think God will bless you for your openness. He will use this to help others, encourage others, and make someone out there feel like someone else understands. It is amazing to see you still bringing it back to God, His goodness and strength He can only give, and seeing how He had grown you and can use you. ❤️

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  3. Lindsey, I’m so thankful for you and your transparency. I’m thankful that you’re choosing not to suffer alone, but to instead let others help carry your burdens (at least in small ways). Even though I’m sure you sometimes feel alone in this struggle (such as when you’re waiting in yet another empty doctor’s office waiting room), you’re not; I and others pray for you regularly. We love you and care about you deeply. I haven’t gone through anything like what you’re experiencing, but I remember when my dad was fighting cancer, how the chemo would make it impossible for him to ever know when he’d be able to get anything done: time he’d have blocked off to study or do a project would be completely wasted because mentally he’d be unable to focus (and yet that was the only opportunity he’d have to get it done). I imagine that’s probably how you feel much of the time: frustrated, exasperated, and…. like you’ve shared: very, very weak. I so hope (like you) that this is just a brief season, and that your doctors help you discover solutions to these physical problems, but I am soberly thankful for the lessons you’re learning. God never wastes pain, but sometimes we do; thankfully, I don’t think you are. Keep your eyes on the cross, limp after Jesus as best you can, and trust that His mighty grace will pull you home in the end.

    Liked by 1 person

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