As I flipped through my journal a months ago, I folded over a page that I have wanted to share. But first, let me share the back story.
For over a year now, I have lived with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) along with undiagnosed symptoms. Though few leave me in pain, I have more limitations than ever and often feel as if my body is fighting against itself. I never know what to expect within a week. While some days, I feel refreshed, other days I can barely leave my bed. Waves of anxiety and depression have also ebbed and flowed. It has been my hidden burden.
What I have discovered is my need for Christ. He is the one who lifts my head each day. Every hour, every minute, even when my heart rebels, I come back to my knees crying “Lord, I need You.” Even though my body is weak, my heart is strengthened when I am in need. My prayer has been, “Lord, keep me in a place that makes me lean on You.” In my journal, I wrote the paradox of my life.
“Through my circumstances, God has refined me. He’s humbled me, yet uplifted me. He’s taught me to wait, while showing me the joy of renewal. He’s brought me down to hold me up. He has worked through my weakness to mend my spirit. Even within the four walls of an empty waiting room.”9/25/20
Though I often write about Christ’s strength in my weakness, I felt led to share the context that I have kept hidden. For those of you facing pain or weakness, seen or hidden, I hope my sharing a piece of my heart strengthens you. Christ sees what is hidden and understands what you are facing. He will use your story to bring you closer to His heart if You will let Him. Keep leaning on Him.
“Lord, I need You when the sea of life is calm. O Lord, I need You when the wind is blowing strong. Whether trials come or cease, keep me always on my knees.”